Appreciating the Ceremonial Tea (and Snacks too).

Mostly the guys have a say on whether they want to go ahead or not in the Pennu Kaanal ceremony. Traditionally, the pennu kaanal is held at the girl's house. In the urban areas of the Kannur district, a new kind of pennu kannal arrangement is into practice. The girl & a relative (or two) would meet the guy & a relative (mostly a woman so that the prospective girl is at ease) at a neutral venue like a cafe or a shopping mall.

In practice, this is how it is done. At the cafe, the guy and the relative would be seated at an adjacent table to the girl's. If she has passed the visual test, the guy & co. moves to the girl's table. They chit chat for a few minutes. If she has passed this round too, a box of chocolates/sweets are gifted (if in doubt, it is scheduled for later). This gifting is an approval or go ahead signal. Well, if she hasn't scored enough brownie points in either of the rounds, the girl's relative is called to a corner and informed politely.

This kind of arrangement actually works out well for both the parties as the embarrassment of saying NO is not there. Whereas, in an arranged marriage the embarrassment of declining is heavy, especially after consuming the specially prepared tea and snacks. These snacks are an effort of a battalion of women in the family coming together the previous night for this auspicious event. So if the classic case of "To be or not to be" props up, it is mostly influenced by the disturbing and lingering thought "How can I say NO after filling up my stomach?". So a YES here would be more a gratitude or answering this burdening thought after the burp.

As they rightly say, the way to a man's heart is through the stomach.

PS – This is confined to the Muslim community in the Kannur region largely. I am not sure if this is practiced outside the district too.